Joey Caputo

Name: Joey Caputo

Gender: Male

Age: 18

Grade: 12

School: Aurora High

Hobbies: Weightlifting, football, and cooking.

Appearance: Joey is 5'6" and 240 pounds. He has a square face with a strong jawline. His face is always stubbled with hair, and he'll have a beard if he doesn't shave every morning. He is very strong, but his muscles are masked by a big round belly which juts out from under his strong chest. Joey is full Italian with olive skin, dark eyes, jet black hair. He keeps his hair spiked up with plenty of gel. He walks with his chest puffed out, shoulders back, and a slight waddle.

Joey likes to wear shirts with Seattle Seahawks logos, often with the sleeves torn off. Underneath, he'll either wear baggy jeans or sweat pants. He wears boldly colored high-top shoes which he polishes and cleans before school every day. On the day of the trip, Joey was wearing a black shirt with the Seahawks logo, jeans, and a studded belt.

Biography: Joey's was born to his young parents shortly after their wedding. Though his conception was the reason for their marriage, Lisa and Vincent have a very loving relationship. Because both of his parents dropped out of school to work full time, Joey grew up receiving a lot of attention from several caregivers. When Joey was four, his parents moved out of his paternal grandparents' house, and into their current apartment.

Joey's parents are very permissive, and he is very independent. He's close with his mother, who babied him as a child. She is an accomplished cook, and is still trying to break the habit of pinching his cheeks. Joey's mom has taught him the basics of cooking, and his genetics have taught him the basics of overeating. She showers him with praise for even the smallest accomplishments. His father also thinks very highly of him, but still recognizes his limits. Joey will be the first in his family to graduate high school, which is a very big deal to his family.

Joey's grandparents are immigrants. They too work low-income jobs and struggle to make ends meet. When Joey was born, his grandmother stopped working to take care of him. "Nonna" would spoil him and play with him the entire day, only stopping when he tired. Joey respects his grandmother much more that he respects either of his parents. While she is able to calm him down and to get him to listen, he is stubborn to everyone else. While Joey is not an aggressive person, he has trouble taking his youthful parents as seriously as he did his grandparents as a child.

In kindergarten, there was an incident where another child called Joey fat. Joey was, in fact, a rather large little boy, and he responded by pushing the boy down. Even as a child he had confidence in himself and never let himself feel inferior to anybody. When the teacher called home, Joey received praise. Joey is usually easy to get along with, but unnecessary jabs at his pride will provoke him. Through middle and high school, he's learned to take jokes better, but part of him still tenses up when he's teased, even in a playful manner.

Many kids used to think of Joey as a bully, given his stature. Fortunately, the kids who weren't too intimidated to talk to him found that he was actually a very friendly, playful, goofy guy. Joey is very charismatic, and quickly befriends anybody who gives him a chance. This trend has continued in high school; he quickly becomes chummy with anybody who introduces themselves, but misses out on meeting any of the quieter kids. His abundant confidence has also help scare away kids who don't enjoy drawing attention to themselves.

Coming from a very permissive family, Joey has never been under very much stress. He's been meeting his parents' relatively low expectations all his life, and has never applied himself very hard to anything. He's content with joining the working class, because it's what his family has always done. He's always gotten by in school doing the bare minimum, and would not find passion in anything until his sophomore year. This passion was weightlifting.

Joey's family has big into football and wrestling. However, due to their general laziness, their fandom ends at observing. Joey played football his freshman year, and discovered he was too slow and unmotivated. His second year he became the team's water boy. He enjoyed being on the field without having to run and tackle, but also felt like he was a joke. Quitting after the first game, Joey found his current passion in the weight room. He'd been strong beforehand, but now he's dedicated himself to pumping his guns even bigger and bigger.

Joey lifts big and eats big. He's gained muscle mass doing so. His body fat masks this, but when he flexes, his biceps swell up into baseballs. He is among the strongest in his grade. His sense of humor an charisma have made him popular with the ladies who can stomach his cockiness. Most girls are very opinionated in regards to Joey. Some consider him a cute butterball, others think he is an arrogant gym rat.

Joey is a bit of a meat head. He's big, he's relatively handsome, he's confident, and a little thick. His favorite period is lunch. He's too lazy for anything aerobic in gym, and doesn't even bother trying in academic classes. He's in sophomore level math, and just barely passing lit. He usually tries to charm his way to a C, but to no avail. Now that Joey's a senior, he's let himself fall even further behind. He's currently on the verge of having to repeat senior year. His aspiration is to manage a sports team, or to be some kind of coach. However, Joey doesn't know how to go about doing either.

Advantages: Joey is among the strongest of his class. He lifts six days a week, and has packed on serious muscles. This also contributes to an intimidation factor. Joey also has a large group of friends, and is always making new ones.

Disadvantages: Joey is literally a big target, and also slow. Brute strength isn't going to do him any good if he's being stalked by an assassin. He's also not the brightest kid ever. Having a large group of friends may also bite him in the ass when he has to kill one of his pals. His intimidating frame may also cause scared, trigger happy students to kill before he can greet them. Joey is also very boisterous, he's more likely to charge around than be sneaky.

Designated Number: Male student No. 034

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Designated Weapon: Kukri

Conclusion: That's not a great weapon for brute strength, not if he can't get close. The stupid usually fall sooner than later, especially if they don't have somebody there to watch out for them. I predict a bloody out at the quarter-mark. - Christina Stockton

'The above biography is as written by LocoBroJoe. No edits or alterations to the author's original work have been made.'

Evaluations
Handled by: LocoBroJoe

Kills: None

Killed By: Collar detonation (triggered by Rosemary Michaels's tampering)

Collected Weapons: Kukri (Assigned Weapon, to Meera Stele)

Allies: Garrett Wilde, Meera Stele, Rosemary Michaels

Enemies:

Mid-game Evaluation:

Post-Game Evaluation:  “If at first you don't succeed, quit trying. 'Cause we'll blow your head off.”  -  Andrew Denning

Memorable Quotes:
 * "N' what if we don't get them off? We get murdered by our fuckin' fri-classmates, or we get fuckin' blown up anyways!"

Other/Trivia

 * Joey Caputo is tied for second heaviest V5 student with Tyler Lucas.
 * Joey Caputo also has the highest BMI out of any V5 student, at 38.7.
 * Joey is the first v5 participant to die by collar explosion.

Threads
Below is a list of threads that contain Joey, in chronological order.

The Past:
 * Setting Goals
 * If you ain't gettin' drunk, get the fu-

Pre-Game:
 * A Tale of Blood and Sweatsocks
 * Pass or Fail
 * (Vice) Presidential Elections

V5:
 * Always Gold
 * Wendigo
 * Where on the Island is Carmen Sandiego?
 * Drip drop.
 * Nobody Wants This

Your Thoughts
''Whether you were a fellow handler in SOTF or just an avid reader of the site, we'd like to know what you thought about Joey Caputo. What did you like, or dislike, about the character? Let us know here!''

I had a lot of trouble writing Joey, and it's very clear from his early threads that I didn't know what I was doing. I accept that, but I still give myself credit for finishing out his story. In the end, I think his final thread is easily his strongest, and his death is the best part of his story. I had actually requested death ideas, but it quickly became clear that nobody wanted to kill Joey as a part of Joey's story. I actually had requests that Joey be killed by some of his pregame friends, accidentally or because of misunderstandings. If I could make any point with this mediocre storyline, it's to not give up on integrity. Joey wasn't good, but I didn't quit, and later even earned some praise for his death scene. Story is important over all things. My writing of Joey is far from perfect, but the only reason it recieved any kind of praise was because his death scene fit into the story he, Rosemary, and Meera had developed. Joey was a learning experience for me, and I know not to throw characters away once they are rolled, and I know that even boring stories can come to appropriate endings. - Nuggets

Man, I'm rolling chars I'm biased towards today (considering one of my kids considers Joey his best friend). That said, I like Joey a lot. He's kind of a meathead goof, but there's a pretty relaxed everyman guy that balances with that and makes both sides of him fun to read. His time on the island was also pretty cool, and he does have nice internal scenes during his short stay. A character I was glad to write with when I did. - Un-Persona