Rene Wolfe

Name: Rene Wolfe

Gender: Female

Age: 18

Grade: Senior

School: Cochise High School

Hobbies and Interests: Stand-up comedy, arachnology, theater club, video games

Appearance: Rene is a bit larger than the norm for a girl her age. Standing at 5’9” and weighing in at 175 pounds, she is on the heavier side. She is Caucasian and pretty much devoid of a tan due to all the time she spends either watching TV or on the internet. The excess weight seems to be regularly distributed throughout her body, with her arms, legs, and torso all having a generous amount of extra padding.

Rene’s facial structure is a bit wide thanks to cheekbones that stick out just a bit more to the side than normal. Her cheeks are rounded and she has some excess fat around her neck and chin. Her eyes are oval-shaped and dark green, with a slightly angled brow. Her dark hair goes down no further then her earlobes, with long bangs that just barely stay out of her eyes. Her nose is sort of a blunted point, not quite fat, but not slim either. Her mouth is somewhat wide with thin lips, and is almost always in a smirk or grin, as though she is thinking of a way to crack a joke at the current situation.

On the day of the field trip, Rene was wearing a yellow T-shirt with a large, cartoonish black spider graphic on it, dark blue jeans, and white sneakers with black soles.

Biography: Rene was born into what she would refer to as an extremely ordinary family. Her father Fred is a shift manager at a department store, and her mother Sarah is a delivery truck driver. They have kept the same jobs and lived in the same small house ever since she was born. Her parents are quite content with things as they have been for the past two decades, so they see no reason to change.

Rene grew up as an energetic child, but due to her parents’ day jobs, she had to spend most days running around day care centers. She never cared much for the day care, however, vastly preferring spending time with her parents on their days off. When she was with her parents, she got to eat her favorite foods, play her favorite games, and watch TV, which she didn’t get to do at day care. Even though there were only a few days each week where she got to spend all day with her parents, the sheer enjoyment from those few days helped her to forge a strong bond with them.

Around the time Rene entered fourth grade, she officially graduated from day care resident to latchkey kid, and would spend the couple of hours between the end of the school day and her mother getting off work alone at their house. She spent that time like most children would be expected to, eating snacks and watching cartoons, and the time passed without incident day in and day out.

It was one day when she was thirteen, that she would discover what would become her main goal in life. She found a Richard Pryor special playing one day while cruising around on the internet in lieu of doing her homework, and spent the next hour laughing hysterically as she watched him entertain the crowd. Not only was she immensely entertained, but she was intrigued by the elements of the act itself, from the delivery of the jokes to the stage mannerisms. She was almost entranced with the act, and she continued to think about it long after it ended. From then on, Rene’s day activities shifted from watching random things on TV and YouTube to almost exclusively watching stand-up on the internet. She quickly fell in love with the art, and it became her go-to activity after finishing homework each night. She found herself taking a particular liking to comedians that told elaborate stories with their jokes, such as Mike Birbiglia and Gabriel Iglesias. She even tried to write her own material from time to time, although she never got around to testing it on anyone outside of her parents, who were quite supportive of her new hobby.

However, the fact that Rene would spend so much time sitting at the computer combined with a regular diet of microwave burritos and pizza caused her to gain weight rather rapidly. Although she hasn't reached a point where her parents are seriously concerned, they still wish that she would find a way to lose some of the weight. She claims that she's working on it, but she mostly just says that to keep them from bothering her about it too much.

Rene's relationship with her parents in general is something that she would admit probably isn't as strong as it should be. While she still loves her parents, she never really established a very strong personal bond with them because of how much time she spent alone growing up. As a result, she has always had a preference for doing things her own way rather than asking for guidance or permission first, which has caused a strain on their relationship from time to time.

In high school, Rene finally took a chance to test her skills in the art of comedy. She signed up for a talent show in freshman year, and told a few jokes that she had been refining over the past few months. Her style of delivery was dry and cutting, with each setup intricately designed to lead to an effective punchline. While she didn’t win, her act went over well with the audience, so she took that as a victory in itself. In her sophomore year, Rene went one step further and joined the theater club to help refine her acting and storytelling skills. She acted much like she did stand-up, which resulted in her characters coming off as sarcastic and witty over all else. She prefers to use her style to play villains, because she believes that the best villains are the ones that have a sense of humor to them. Because of the way she prefers to portray her characters, she has been at odds with more serious-minded members of the club before, but they always manage to find a compromise in one way or another, usually getting the club president involved in the process.

While Rene enjoys hanging out with her friends in the theater club, most of the time she doesn’t stick around one particular group, preferring to wander the school observing what goes on and making quips about what she sees. However, while some students find her act of playing the Greek chorus to be funny, others think that her sarcastic personality and habit of mocking the world around her are annoying and wish that she would keep her thoughts to herself. Rene is aware that there are people who don't like her comments, but she mostly brushes it off, reckoning that every comic faces tough crowds from time to time.

Academically, Rene’s performance in school isn’t much to speak of. She does decently in all of her classes, never excelling to a significant degree, and never doing poorly enough to elicit concern. She tends to prefer science and art classes, but most of the other subjects tend to bore her, so she prefers not to spend any more time on them than necessary. However, she has gotten herself into trouble on a few occasions because the teachers felt that her jokes were not appropriate for a school environment. Because of this, Rene has started to rein in her more raunchy comments during school hours, a requirement that she finds rather disappointing.

Despite not being a standout student in general, one of her science projects got her deeply involved in arachnology, the study of arachnids. She had always liked spiders, not really getting why so many people seemed to be afraid of them. Ever since that project, she has taken up reading about the subject in her own time, taking a particular interest in amblypygi, or cave spiders. At times he wishes that she had a pet tarantula, but she knows that it would be a very difficult creature to care for, so she’d rather not risk treating one improperly.

Another hobby of hers is playing video games online, primarily League of Legends and Team Fortress 2. She likes League because how how many different champions there are to choose from. However, her favorite and most-played champion is Skarner, largely because he is a giant scorpion. Meanwhile, she likes TF2 for its sense of humor. Her skills range between average to good depending on the game, but her favorite part of playing is using in-game chat to make as many bad puns as she can. She knows that the puns are quite bad, but that's one of the reasons she finds them to be funny.

Rene's plans for life after graduation revolve around perfecting her craft and trying to break into the comedy business. She has spent most of her high school career practicing her jokes, and she feels that she's more than ready to finally to finally take the stage for real.

Advantages: Her experience in the theater club would give her an advantage in negotiation, since her acting skills could help her trick people more easily. In addition, her ability to lighten the tension with a joke could help defuse potential situations involving nervous classmates. Her knowledge of arachnids could also prove useful, since she would be able to identify dangerous spiders and the like quicker than most.

Disadvantages: Rene is significantly out of shape. She doesn't have a lot of physical strength, and she runs out of stamina quicker than most while engaging in physically taxing activity. In addition, some people find her annoying due to her joking and sarcastic personality, and would likely be angered if they thought she wasn’t taking their situation seriously.

Designated Number: Female student No. 039

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Designated Weapon: Smith and Wesson SW1911

Conclusion: Part of me hopes you die, G039, just because of that one patch that made Skarner a living nightmare for me. The other part of me hopes you'll live, because I desperately need somebody to play games with me after V5's winner totally half-assed that game of Sorry!. - Dennis Lourvey

'The above biography is as written by Aura. No edits or alterations to the author's original work have been made.'

Evaluations
Handled by: Aura

Kills: 

Killed By: 

Collected Weapons:  Smith and Wesson SW1911 (assigned weapon)

Allies: 

Enemies: 

Mid-game Evaluation: 

Post-Game Evaluation: 

Memorable Quotes:

Threads
Below is a list of threads that contain Rene, in chronological order.

The Past:
 * The Toughest Audience

V6 Pregame:
 * Skeletons and Spaghetti

Sadie Hawkins Dance:
 * Bohemian Purgatory

V6:

Your Thoughts
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